I feel like this is my hail mary week.
Monday (day 23), my department head brought in a box full of munchkins from Dunkin Donuts.
Dunkin. Mother$#%^&*@. Donuts. MUNCHKINS.
Someone else had purchased some girl scout cookies and some coconut and chocolate covered almonds and left them in the breakroom for us, too.
Today (day 25), my boss happily plopped down a box of warm, fresh cookies right in front of my face. I looked at him and sighed a series of cuss words. He laughed maniacally.
I have fallen very behind in blogging, but I do have a great excuse:
I had an amazing time at Poplar Place Farms over the weekend, where I placed 2nd in tadpole CT and hit the cross country course for my first ever time. It. was. amazing. Here’s what I ate before and during to keep my energy up.
Days 17 and 18 were mostly uneventful.
It’s hard to believe that we have made it this far without candy and alcohol alone, but the basic everyday stuff? It has been difficult, but it has been perfectly possible. I am feeling good. That might be because I had actual caffeine today (the first in days).
To those of you enjoying your Jimmy John’s take-out, baked goods, diet cokes, chocolate, cheese dip, hefeweizens, IPAs, marinara sauce, creamy, fried, processed deliciousness: just know that I carry an eensy weensy teensy little bit of loathing in my heart for you. I dream every night that I’ve eaten something that breaks the rules, and I’m always stricken with guilt. When I wake up, relief washes over me like a gentle wave. Followed by a tsunami of dread.
After Day 13, I was determined to have a better outlook and cook tastier food. I wanted to lay off all the meat and focus on fruits and vegetables, which, aside from the eggs, I think I managed to do!
I had the best of intentions.
Whole 30 Fail
That’s supposed to be a whole 30 friendly pancake.
Day 13 was probably the worst day I have had. We were running low on food, it had been a super stressful week, and I was tired and burnt out – on Whole 30, on work, on internal nonsensical anxieties and frustrations. It was bad.
Breakfast was blech.
I won’t lie, this is starting to suck. It was easy/safe enough when we were eating in and cooking our own meals that we could trust. Now that life has picked back up, just ugh. I’m getting a lot of raised eyebrows, and a lot of thinly veiled criticisms and judgements.
The food boredom is crazy tough. More and more of what we try to eat is completely unappetizing. And it would be so. easy. just to stop.
I have to remember in these moments what I am doing and why I’m doing it. I am doing it to break behavioral patterns, chemical addictions, and mindlessness. I am doing it because there are things about my health that I would like to change. I am doing it because I have had a terrible relationship with food literally my whole life, including bouts with bulimia and depression. And there is no reason that this is impossible. It’s simple enough to eat food that sustains me, rather than comfort food. I don’t need approval from anyone else to do it.